Why do you urge to control?

கடமையைச் செய், பலனை எதிர்பார்க்காதே - “Do your duties, do not seek rewards” 

If you are above or almost the same age as me as of this writing, you might have understood by now that life is messy and random. It’s not hard; It’s not easy. It’s not fair. It's just random. As a matter of fact, Life itself cannot be compared to a job, test or anything quantifiable enough to classify it as easy or hard. From a single celled bacteria to a blue whale, life is just life experiencing itself through the passage of time. The life that’s in you and happening around you doesn’t care about what you feel, think, say or do. It exists until it doesn’t. We are so much wired to create, discover and understand that it hurts to comprehend that life is just about existing. This mere frustration of our inability to control the random chaos of our lives as it plunges upon us is why I am here to talk about.  

Let’s say person A is preparing for an interview for a job that they really like. They have good grades from school because they studied well and hard. They have done a fantastic job in their project. They practiced a bunch of mock interviews. They learned what has worked before in such interviews and incorporated it into their own style. They put some money aside to buy a decent professional suit. They have learned all additional skills that the job requires. They are very much an eligible candidate and they even impressed the interviewer so to speak. But they still didn’t get the job.

Let’s say person B is getting into a relationship. They did their best to take care of their partner very well. They were always there in need. They were always supportive during tough times. They dressed well for special occasions. They always groomed themselves well. They communicated well. All in all, they did their best to be the perfect partner but they were abandoned in the end.

Let’s say person C is a budding artist. (I could keep going on with many more examples but for the sake of time and your frustration, this is the last one). They learned a lot to hone their skills. They practiced for 10,000 hours. They made mistakes. They corrected it. They made more new mistakes and corrected it again. They put themselves out there. They marketed themselves brilliantly. They managed to build many relationships in the industry to prove their worth and yet they failed to meet ends in the end.

Then there is you.

After hearing about or just thinking about similar kinds of scenarios and have decided not to prepare for the interview, not asking that person out or not giving a shot at music or painting or dancing or whatever means of art. Because, there is a possibility that what if it doesn’t pan out the way you wanted to. There is an age old saying called “Hard work equals success”. You are always scared about that last part - Success. What if it’s not true? Well, guess what? It’s most probably not true. 

You can do all the hard work you want but success in response to diligence was never promised to anyone. Don't get me wrong. There are some people who really worked hard and moved up the ladder. But there are also some people who did the same but it never worked for them. If this is the case, then “Hard work is only sometimes equals to success”. Now that doesn’t sound much of a motivational quote now, does it? Sure, getting succeeded in something is rewarding. Our brain craves happiness and rightfully so. It feels good. I’d like to think that the high you get when you succeed at something is not actually happiness, it is merely an addictive urge to do, what we already did, again to feel happy. In that perspective, then the “doing” is what brings happiness. Maybe all this time it is supposed to be “Hard work equals success happiness” 

So instead of trying to control everything that you can possibly think of, just see and control what you can. Take pride and joy in it. Spend your mental energy on pushing yourself to do your best instead of spending it on expectations around results. Sometimes you get what you want and sometimes you don't. But being done is much better than trying to be perfect. That chance of success is only available to you, if you actually start doing. Life isn’t fair and if you haven’t succeeded as you hoped then you know it wasn’t because you ignored the things you were able to control. You can graciously accept that it was due to the things that were never actually under your control in the first place and that’s OK. And as always, thanks for reading.